Friday, 01 January 2608
The following is a transcript of the weekly broadcast given by our esteemed dictator for life, Wurtzel Hemingway. May he live forever.
Hello cretins. This is your leader speaking. By now we are accustomed to hearing the moral objections of our wisest citizens. As was expected, some of them have taken exception with the incarceration of the Purists. They ask me: “Where is the sense in punishing an entire population for wrongdoings committed by a few of its citizens?”
But the Purists are not being punished; their relocation was a sad and simple necessity; and the world has never been more alone.
Vice and immorality were always possibilities with them. They’re entire government and society is founded on this fact. But hatred is an incurable evil. Vicious and blind, it is the most potent and virulent disease, destroying everything it touches.
The memory of Andrew Drexler’s death will haunt us forever. Such a wound festers and rots. On a lonely night it will call vile thoughts into your head: “Maybe I am worthless; maybe I am not human.”
When Andrew was shot in the back of the head he was sitting on the lawn in front of his house, mesmerized by the feeling of blades of grass and water molecules grazing his fingertips. He had been thinking about his father’s deep voice—the way it made the hair on the back of his neck stand up straight whenever his father explained, in slow, simple detail, about how the Somatosensory cortex of the brain interacts with the nervous system.
Do you know what kind of hatred it takes to kill an innocent 11 year old boy? It is not narcissistic indifference. Nor annoyance. Nor spite. Nor even malice… It is disgust. And as a doctor with a scalpel I would not hesitate to kill one hundred thousand men in order to excise it from the world.
Who will envy my eyes, though I am king of the entire world? I have seen the death of innocents. I have seen joy in the face of a killer. Time and time again I have seen despair and disgust make men brave enough to conquer innocence and love.
So please understand: once the Purists could no longer see us as equal, human brothers, we could no longer allow them to live by our side. For though they have eyes, they would make the whole world blind.
On a different note, I would like to wish all of you a joyful New Year. I declare that all prohibited drugs and intoxicants will be made legal for the next week of celebration. Public orgies will be permitted in designated recreational centers and gymnasiums.
To ensure your happiness and survival, military personnel and medics will be posted near social gathering areas. If you plan on killing yourself for a few days during the holidays, please ensure that you have alerted your therapist and made a backup of all your memories.
Furthermore, I would like to offer my sincere congratulations to those of you who are turning 30 this coming year. The period of your indentured servitude has come to an end and your life is now your own. You have finally paid your debt to society.
As usual, you will be transported to a government-funded sanctuary, far removed from the cares of everyday life, where you will be provided with every possible service and luxury for the remainder of your lives. You will find that most inhabitants choose to stay in their rooms, spending their time in a deep and unconscious slumber. In this self-induced slumber you will have the option of experiencing a sustained level of euphoria, tantamount to a perpetual cocaine high.
Also, you will now have the choice of living in one of our state-of-the-art virtual reality systems, where you will be free to act out your most primitive desires, no matter how harmful or taboo.
I expect that more than a few of you will choose to stay within the workforce, as it is what you have become accustomed to. Your dedication to making an actual difference in the world is admirable. You will be rewarded with an increased wage and a permanently enhanced sense of contentment and self-worth. Please submit your renewed employment papers to your neurologist at your earliest convenience to receive your upgrade.
Those of you who are more old-fashioned will have the privilege of getting married. You will be relocated to the seaside townships of the Eastern provinces to live with other families. Please remember not to talk about your personal insecurities or any negative feelings with your significant other. Such conversations have consistently led to more murders and suicides than any other act.
Keep conversations light and friendly.
Long-lasting relationships that are mutually enjoyable have always been formed in environments that are free of stress and conflict. Remember that your significant other can only offer you physical comfort and help to promote your self-worth. They are not trained to understand your problems or to help you solve them. Please save serious conversations for your therapist.
If your spouse is making you unhappy in any way, please inform the proper authorities as soon as possible.
- David Miranda
leaderofthefree@gmail.com
Monday, February 18, 2008
Messages from the Future 01
Friday, 25 December 2607
The following is a transcript of the weekly broadcast given by our esteemed dictator for life, Wurtzel Hemingway. May he live forever.
Hello simpletons. This is your leader speaking. I have returned unscathed from the newly established Mid-Atlantic sea colonies. I can assure you that the population transfer of the Purists was a complete success. No one was harmed, and all future conflict has been avoided.
I will always believe that allowing the independent existence of the Purists was a noble experiment. If nothing else, it was a test of the human desire to survive against all odds. On the day the Purist government was officially established, on March 2nd, 2125, their legislature outlawed several modern innovations that they believed were unethical or “beyond the realm of human judgment and understanding.” This ban was primarily a response to the development of effective anti-aging treatments.
We watched their cities gradually transform into living relics of our more primitive past as the differences between our societies became more apparent. They continued to slaughter living animals for food; they slept for seven hours every night; and they each lived until their hearts naturally gave out.
Only two years ago, in June, the Purist president visited me at the Capitol and suggested that abolishing all commercial restrictions and allowing free trade between our nations would benefit everyone involved. He was afraid that the people of the world would come to forget about their history. He told me, “If the world doesn’t know who the Purists are, how can they know who they are? They don’t recognize us anymore – they don’t know where they came from.”
But the world changes so quickly with them. Every Purist that was alive when I was born has long since died of old age – or disease – or accident – or violence…
It is unfortunate. Despite their fortitude, they eventually fell prey to our ancient vices of jealousy and bigotry and hatred. As our population grew and expanded, their world receded. And when the entire Purist state eventually came to occupy the province of California, a mere 5 years ago, they realized how few they had become.
Their hatred began as question. Perhaps it was written in an opinion column in an obscure magazine. It filled their hearts with a secret anger. It was discussed and whispered in their schools and their homes. “Are they human?”
Are we human?! A question, so ignorant and vile, it’s hard to guess at what it means. Why would anyone ever ask it? Because our spinal columns have been artificially reinforced? Or because both of our eyes are removed at birth? Or maybe… maybe it was because we live in a society free of violence and bigotry and hate-filled jealousy.
But their hatred did not end with words.
On October 23rd, 2606, a mob of uncivilized Purists abducted five of our citizens and held them against their will. These abductees were asked to condemn their former way of life as evil, they were subjected to incessant questioning and accusations, and they sustained physical damage when the terrorists forcefully removed their tactile implants.
After several weeks of negotiations and exchanged threats, our people were finally returned and the wrongdoers were punished. Since no irreparable damage was done, all was forgiven.
Then four months later, on February 8th, 2607, Andrew Drexler was found murdered on his own front porch. He had received multiple gunshot wounds to the back of his head. Someone wanted to make sure that the nanorobots that live in his bloodstream wouldn’t be able to repair the damage fast enough; they wanted to make sure that he died.
He was 11 years old. He lived 5 miles from the Purist border.
Our investigation was prompt and uncompromising, and at least one prominent Purist was implicated within the first week.
Instead of allowing us to continue our investigation, the Purist senate promptly voted to secede from the Allied Nations of the World. Our investigation was deemed “biased and intrusive to the point of violating basic human rights.” As you all know, commerce between our two nations was immediately terminated. Barricades were erected. And we posted military personnel along the border and in their main civic centers.
Eventually, war was avoided by the only means possible. Twelve hours after we learned that some of the Purists were planning a violent insurrection, ten thousand of our airships dropped from the night sky and put everyone to sleep. We collected their belongings and their unconscious bodies and transported them to the Mid-Atlantic sea colonies.
Twelve days ago, thirty million Purists woke up in recently constructed cities that line the deepest parts of ocean floor. They are free to live however they want. We have accounted for all of their needs. And they can no longer do us harm.
Please let this serve as a final proof that eyes have always been our source of weakness. Racism, prejudice, lust, jealousy, vanity, recklessness. What power do these vices have without the capacity of sight?
And when has our perceiving faculty ever helped us to be more virtuous? Do eyes help me to speak the truth? Or do they help me to feel sympathy for the hundreds of Purists that die every year from curable diseases?
- David Miranda
leaderofthefree@gmail.com
The following is a transcript of the weekly broadcast given by our esteemed dictator for life, Wurtzel Hemingway. May he live forever.
Hello simpletons. This is your leader speaking. I have returned unscathed from the newly established Mid-Atlantic sea colonies. I can assure you that the population transfer of the Purists was a complete success. No one was harmed, and all future conflict has been avoided.
I will always believe that allowing the independent existence of the Purists was a noble experiment. If nothing else, it was a test of the human desire to survive against all odds. On the day the Purist government was officially established, on March 2nd, 2125, their legislature outlawed several modern innovations that they believed were unethical or “beyond the realm of human judgment and understanding.” This ban was primarily a response to the development of effective anti-aging treatments.
We watched their cities gradually transform into living relics of our more primitive past as the differences between our societies became more apparent. They continued to slaughter living animals for food; they slept for seven hours every night; and they each lived until their hearts naturally gave out.
Only two years ago, in June, the Purist president visited me at the Capitol and suggested that abolishing all commercial restrictions and allowing free trade between our nations would benefit everyone involved. He was afraid that the people of the world would come to forget about their history. He told me, “If the world doesn’t know who the Purists are, how can they know who they are? They don’t recognize us anymore – they don’t know where they came from.”
But the world changes so quickly with them. Every Purist that was alive when I was born has long since died of old age – or disease – or accident – or violence…
It is unfortunate. Despite their fortitude, they eventually fell prey to our ancient vices of jealousy and bigotry and hatred. As our population grew and expanded, their world receded. And when the entire Purist state eventually came to occupy the province of California, a mere 5 years ago, they realized how few they had become.
Their hatred began as question. Perhaps it was written in an opinion column in an obscure magazine. It filled their hearts with a secret anger. It was discussed and whispered in their schools and their homes. “Are they human?”
Are we human?! A question, so ignorant and vile, it’s hard to guess at what it means. Why would anyone ever ask it? Because our spinal columns have been artificially reinforced? Or because both of our eyes are removed at birth? Or maybe… maybe it was because we live in a society free of violence and bigotry and hate-filled jealousy.
But their hatred did not end with words.
On October 23rd, 2606, a mob of uncivilized Purists abducted five of our citizens and held them against their will. These abductees were asked to condemn their former way of life as evil, they were subjected to incessant questioning and accusations, and they sustained physical damage when the terrorists forcefully removed their tactile implants.
After several weeks of negotiations and exchanged threats, our people were finally returned and the wrongdoers were punished. Since no irreparable damage was done, all was forgiven.
Then four months later, on February 8th, 2607, Andrew Drexler was found murdered on his own front porch. He had received multiple gunshot wounds to the back of his head. Someone wanted to make sure that the nanorobots that live in his bloodstream wouldn’t be able to repair the damage fast enough; they wanted to make sure that he died.
He was 11 years old. He lived 5 miles from the Purist border.
Our investigation was prompt and uncompromising, and at least one prominent Purist was implicated within the first week.
Instead of allowing us to continue our investigation, the Purist senate promptly voted to secede from the Allied Nations of the World. Our investigation was deemed “biased and intrusive to the point of violating basic human rights.” As you all know, commerce between our two nations was immediately terminated. Barricades were erected. And we posted military personnel along the border and in their main civic centers.
Eventually, war was avoided by the only means possible. Twelve hours after we learned that some of the Purists were planning a violent insurrection, ten thousand of our airships dropped from the night sky and put everyone to sleep. We collected their belongings and their unconscious bodies and transported them to the Mid-Atlantic sea colonies.
Twelve days ago, thirty million Purists woke up in recently constructed cities that line the deepest parts of ocean floor. They are free to live however they want. We have accounted for all of their needs. And they can no longer do us harm.
Please let this serve as a final proof that eyes have always been our source of weakness. Racism, prejudice, lust, jealousy, vanity, recklessness. What power do these vices have without the capacity of sight?
And when has our perceiving faculty ever helped us to be more virtuous? Do eyes help me to speak the truth? Or do they help me to feel sympathy for the hundreds of Purists that die every year from curable diseases?
- David Miranda
leaderofthefree@gmail.com
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About Me
- david miranda
- college student, writer, reader, dreamer, truth seeker, aspiring risk taker, technology enthusiast, comic book reader, amateur stock trader, amateur magician, and amateur chess player.